The spinning wheels of life… and starting over… again

From spinning wheels of death (on my computer who recently went to tech-heaven) to discussions of starting over at last night’s Wakeup Project with Danielle Laporte, I’m feeling really connected to the cyclic nature of our existence.

As the days become cooler and the sun’s visits become more fleeting and I begin to wonder what on earth I wore last year to stay warm (why does this concept elude me every year?) I am feeling tuned into the energy of transition, of change, of evolution and the impermanence of every moment.  We are in a constant state of rhythm and cycle, wrapped up in the gentle movement of the Universe; the orbit of the planets, the turn of Gaia’s seasons, the flow of the tides and the dawning of each day.

Our human experience is also cyclical… we are conceived as a tiny spark of creative energy, nurtured in the womb, we break free into our human existence and our journey of self remembrance begins.  We feel our way through lessons, stumbling from time to time, falling in love, falling out of love, falling in love again but this time with ourselves, creating families of our own, finding a sense maturity… and then losing it again… we get a little slower, we tire, we grow older, our eyes get a little watery, a little blurry, things take on a rose tinted hue.  We have tea, and sit, sharing our lessons and stories with our children… and their children…  and then we transition back to the home of Spirit… our physical body returning to the Earth… and so we begin again… the wheel of life spins on…

Today I lost a family member, my grandmother.  She was 3 weeks shy of her 90th b’day and lived long and rich life.  I remember her best in the garden, she grew flowers like nobodies business and she was so loving to her treasured cats.  I remember staying with her on the farm in NZ and collecting the milk from the end of the driveway, licking the cream from the top, probably finding a hedgehog on my journey and bringing it back inside (much to her dismay).  I’m pleased for her that she is now on a new journey, leaving behind the ailments of her final weeks, reunited with Da (my late grandpa) and the her pussy cats Muffin and Kit.  I hope she feels free and is embracing her homecoming.  We send her all our love and light to shine the way.

On the other side of the globe my  beloved’s sister is on the brink of giving birth to a new niece or nephew… and so we flow on.

One comes and one goes – the wheel of life never stops turning.  

Danielle Laporte, who I was lucky enough to meet last night, gave a beautiful and timely analogy of starting over that I would like to share.  I’m sure you are familiar of the usual caterpillar story and its metamorphosis into a butterfly, but I bet you didn’t know that whilst the  caterpillar is in its chrysalis its body literally turns into a liquid state… it turns into soup.  There is nothing to hold onto, no spine, no identity … and this is where themagic happens… this is the space of alchemy.  

In the words of Joseph Campbell, ‘the hero enters the darkest part of the forest where no-one else has gone before’ so in other words we must travel our journey of self realisation alone, then the next part of the phrase is like this ‘ …the hero enters a fluidly ambiguous landscape’.   That would be thesoup.  In this space, we don’t know who we are and we are yearning to know who we are again… this is where the fear lives, the ebb before the flow.  We want find our spine again, a familiar tree, a lamppost, something to hold on to… but that is not what the soup is all about.  In these moment’s we must ask ourself… ‘are you willing to not recognise who you will become when you get to the other side…’ because baby… it’s transformation time and sh*t ain’t ever going to be the same again… that’s the soup.. .that’s the death… that’s the magic… and we must lean into the uncertainty as that is where our answers lie.  

Big love to Danielle for your guidance and inspiration.. you came to me in a perfect moment just like all my other lessons.

One more Danielle-ism as it feel right… when you are moving out of the soup in your new incarnation, starting a new cycle a fresh, decide to rise!  ‘On the other side of deciding to rise is illumination, ecstasy, insight.  And the angel of your strength is there waiting, smiling, applauding, with a goblet of endorphins for you. Drink up. When you transcend circumstances you get special privileges. You get evidence that you are indeed amazing, and irrefutable proof that what your heart and mind choose is what matters. And you get the deep knowing that life wants you to win.

Decide to rise. Lean in. Listen up. Closely.

It’s your soul speaking and she says,
Get UP! I need you. I want you. I am you. Choose me.
Lean in. Listen up. Closely.

Decide to rise.’

My beautiful Mum was here with me when we heard the news about Nana and for this I’m ever grateful.  Today feels quite surreal.  Not bad, not good, just odd like time has stopped… I don’t really know how to feel about death.  It doesn’t feel like an ending… just a weird transition… I guess it’s just a little soupy… and so… I listen, I write, I process, I swim in soupy waters, weathering the fluid storm…

And as my spine starts to form vertebra by vertebra…

I decide to rise.