I need to confess something… something that may not come across in your facebook feed.
Starting your own business is HARD! Way harder than I ever anticipated. All that incredible drive and time management ability (sorting the big rocks from the sand) that I though I possessed has somehow evaporated into the ether since fully landing in the world of self employment….and it has been a sobering experience. There’s nothing like feeling in a mess with your business to bring on the all too familiar feelings of self doubt, comparison to others and fears (specifically about 3D things like money). Now I’m a big one for positivity and creating dreams, and I get how the law of abundance works but I’ll tell you something for free — it’s goddam hard to feelawesome.. free… in the FLOW… in your CREATIVE POWER… with BOUNDLESS ABUNDANCE when you are doubled over with FEAR and SELF DOUBT.
I like to think of myself as a channel (or a garden hose for a more tangible example). As channels (or hoses), we need to stay in a relaxed and open state for the energy to flow through us, but when we panic and freak out it’s like putting a kink in the hose or building a dam in the river of creativity. The same vibe can be applied if we are straining too hard to achieve something – you know those moments that you feel like you are literally pushing shit up hill… no matter how much energy you throw at a project it just doesn’t get easier..? Again, same deal… hello disrupted flow. The same can be seen in our bodies in our yoga asana practice. When we move with awareness, connected to breath, feeling our way, everything aligns with ease and grace (well, more or less) but we we push to hard we have this handy inbuilt stretch reflex that literally stops the flow (kinks the hose). Our psoas muscle is another classic example of needing to find a state of ease and relaxation to feel safe enough to let go. If you push and prod the delicate psoas (which connects our spine to our legs and keeps us upright) it will curl up like a caterpillar in an act of protection…. Just like that, the flow is stopped, pooling in our belly for storage as tension or to get ready for fight or flight.
So what I have observed over the past weeks of feeling stuck, behind and overwhelmed was my increasing need to hold on and controleverything to the nth degree. I created a pattern of stuck-ness that I couldn’t see a way out of. Chasing my own tail and feeling incapable and helpless… and in the moment I thought WTF? How the hell did I get here…? I was so on fire, I was kicking ass, I was in the flow… now nothing but MESS? Where did all the creative juice go?
And then, as per usual, when he head isn’t listening the body takes over and I got sick. Not mega sick but enough to force me to surrender, take of moment to realise that it was ok to just be BE… to BE COOL. I’m not 100% sure of the exact moment when I finally put down my weapons of self deprecation, stuck my hands in the air and called PEACE but from that magical moment things started to happen again, little signs started appearing through the fog of overwhelm that had really been there all along but I had been so caught up in my own shit storm of drama that I wasn’t open to receiving them. From a meeting with a client whose words and stories held such perfect lessons for me, to the class I taught for school kids that reminded me that I need to be creating a school program, and the wish that I’d put out there for some more plants for the house and then happened to be gifted two beautiful succulents by a man on the street (coincidence? I don’t think so!!)…
The Universe is providing us gifts every minute (for every single one of us), and it is our job to be open and receptive to the magic. Through rituals like a maintaining a clean diet, daily meditation and movement, mindfulness, journaling and practicing gratitude we slowly start to peel away the layers of distraction, of old stuff and allow ourselves to open ours hearts to our truth and to our higher purpose…
So from this moment forth I’m doing a little experiment in energy and flow. I’m setting myself a challenge to stay out of my head, to truly live this OPEN HEART LIFE I’m so passionate about. Transforming the pushing intoallowing, the worry into the trusting. Already just one week in I feel a huge sense of relief.
RELAX, NOTHING IS UNDER CONTROL. So please take a breath, sit back, smell the roses and enjoy the ride! This is supposed to be fun!
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I would love to catch up with you for a FREE chat about your health, hope and dreams – first consult is on me so reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org
I also have a number of retreats coming up soon – IBIZA, WALES and BALI.