Yesterday I succumbed to the strength to the Mercury in retrograde that hit our cosmos on January 5. I had already seen so many people in my vicinity get struck by drama but, as a goddess with a strong and expanded field I often think I am immune to such astro events…
but this one got me good.
I was completely spanked… right in the lower chakras of security, emotions, safety and identity. As if a huge stick had literally stirred up all the shit buried deep in the well of my existence.
And the shit really stank.
I found myself reverting back to how I used to live my life, holding on so tight to everything with such a strong need to be in control to feel safe and ease the worries of the scared and freaked out little girl inside.
Admittedly I did have a few gnarly things happen that had me question who I roll with in my tribe… a few let downs, a couple of blows and some negative vibes… but what messed it up for me was my choice of how to deal with them.
Rather than taking a deep breath, grounding my feet on the earth, expanding myself as has become part of my constant practice, I freaked out. I got angry… I got sad… I started thinking about stuff from my childhood and why I still carry some of the stories I evidently do.
I wanted to take revenge… but the best I could do was to block a few people from my Facebook page - TAKE THAT!! Violent and strong warrioresss behaviour I know! It felt f%cking good… very satisfying… As an advocate of compassion I don't condone revenge and inflicting pain on others but in this moment it felt sweet! (and yes I am still listening in to my psyche about what the hell this is all about and why I suddenly went all Kali on everyone's ass!)
I had a call with some of my dear sisters in the evening (hallelujah for my Sisterhood) and I shared it all with them… even the moments when I wanted to punch people in the face!! And we found we had all been experiencing similar emotions. Feeling wobbly, uncertain of why we are here and if we are fully serving as best we can on this planet.
What I came to remember yesterday as I finally came out of my fog of rage and tears was that none of this was really necessary…
yes the journey down memory lane into an older or perhaps still hidden version of myself was enlightening,but really, I had chosen to allow myself to dive into the depths of my own suffering.
You see my dear… as I get to the point … I want to remind you that...
you ALWAYS have a choice about how to feel.
When the shit hit the fan for me I could have done my practice and rolled with it… but instead I decided to hold my body tight in stress, anger, fear and suffering… screaming and crying all over my poor husband!
Don’t get me wrong… It felt good to feel strong emotions and even the deleting from Facebook was cathartic… but by the end of the day I was exhausted, puffy faced and I felt sick... and not very clever!
It was only when I chose to put my suffering down and move on that the euphoria came back as the energy started to flow again and I stepped back into harmony with the sensation of flow of the earth.
So my dear…
even as we roll through a slower more stagnant Mercury moment (read more here) you have the choice of how to feel. Perhaps it's time to practice self acceptance and make peace with all the drama in your life.
Take it from someone who knows… the relief feels so sweet.