I have something exciting I would like to share with you
A juicy new part of my weekly routine
I warn that this may trigger some of you as goodness knows we are all still riding through much deep conditioning around sexuality and self pleasure... but I promise you this is an excellent way to heal that wounding
My new weekly self healing session is a yoni massage.
What is a yoni massage you might ask? This is a deep honouring of our most precious female part... our sacred temple and portal to the infinite, our caldron of alchemy.
And in case you missed the memo, our yoni is our vagina.
I did my first "self practice / freestyle" yoni massage early last year (I think) after reading book called Wild Feminine. I have always felt that my yoni was not quite as happy as she could be perhaps due to some feelings of shame around sexuality and a lot of dishonouring behaviour in my 20's where I confused sex for love (but had a lot of wild fun in the process).
You see, our yonis hold old tension and trauma from this lifetime and beyond, and just like the tense muscles in our shoulders, in order to have efficient blood flow we must nourish the tissue back to full health and vibrancy. When the energy is not flowing and the tissue does not feel ripe and healthy we can tend to lose sensation as the nerve endings are\ deactivated and this can lead to decreased feeling and pleasure during love making and even pain, not to mention a whole range of other symptoms like painful periods, tricky child birth and over all pelvic disharmony.
This stored trauma can come from all manner of places and it does not need to be as harrowing as abuse or rape, it can be as subtle as holding emotion around an experience, or when we are entered without our full permission (as often happens as women as it takes us so much longer to "get ready" than men), or maybe even the guilt and shame of the collective that has caused us to tense up ad block the flow of vital life force energy that is designed to run through us.
Let's do an experiment - if you touch your shoulders right now how do they feel? For me my computer tension makes my muscles hard and almost devoid of sensation unless I press really deeply and then it is a dull ache yearning for release.
I find my yoni to be the same... when I did my first free style pelvic bowl exploration (or internal examination) I was curious to find that one wall of my yoni had way less sensation that the other and there were some distinct areas of deep pain. When I navigated the new terrain of my inner temple I encountered waves of emotion, sometime sadness, sometimes anger and sometimes guilt. It was deep, intense and oh so incredible. I'm not sure my first attempts were that skill-full but the feeling of reconnecting with such a potent and forgotten part of myself was were I found the real medicine.
I also have to add that the goal of a yoni massage is not specifically pleasure, although you may feel some good sensations as you discover yourself. For my it is more about honouring, reconnecting and feeling the energy start to flow again. To acknowledge the areas of pain, stored emotion and wounding and to send my awareness and breath to these places for deeper release.
The more I connect to my yoni the more I hear her speak to me. I have dedicated my last two years of practice to activating my womb (and now I have a baby inside) but acknowledge that I have yet again neglected to acknowledge my beautiful yoni. In a practice at a juicy Yoniverse workshop I attended the other day (hosted by the divine goddesses Bonnie Bliss and Elise Savaresse) we tuned into our yonis and asked her to speak to us, to call on her to speak in her own voice to share how she is feeling.
My yoni said something like this...
I am neglected
I am overlooked
I am so potent and powerful
I am ready to awakened and to show you what you are capable of
I have always felt like I am operating at about 10% particularly in the realm of sacred sexuality and running vital life force energy. When I tune into Source and to the Earth and Stars I feel ALIVE but there has always been some sort of disconnection from my sexual nature. Almost as if I start to awaken her it might be like Pandora's Box and things could get really crazy (look out world)!
This is why I am walking this path of self discovery and awakening... to see what else there is. And between us I know it is BIG!
There are so many benefits to awakening and healing our yonis. Not only will we start to experience pleasure and possibly become multi orgasmic (although I have to say this is not specifically the goal) but we will start to feel this sense of fullness and aliveness in all of our being. This is truly living the beauty way...!
There are so many other articles I could write to share more in depth (and I'm sure I will as I discover more about my self) but for now I am going to tell you a little about my new weekly yoni massage date.
My weekly yoni massage date...
On the suggestion of my guide Bonnie Bliss I have set a date in my calendar for a weekly self honouring practice. This time is to be non negotiable, just like a meeting or yoga class as it is such an important part of my self healing, particularly in preparation for birthing my baby in September.
I'm going to share another time about a more in depth look at how to give yourself a yoni massage (or perhaps I will call on a guest blog from a trained professional - like Bonnie & Elise) but here is a rough idea of what I do.
I set my sacred space and ensure I will not be disturbed for 30-45 minutes and begin my getting myself warmed up perhaps with some light self massage on other parts of my body (not quite my yoni) paying particular attention to my breasts and thighs and other sensitive and sensual areas. I notice my breath and allow it to be full and deep already tuning into the energy that I am starting to activate just with my loving touch.
When it feels time to reach my yoni I begin by cupping my yoni and starting to tune into this sacred space. When she feels ready for me I explore the exterior in a gentle way (perhaps using oil if that feels right for you), noticing every part and feeling into areas of tension and decreased sensation. I don't get to caught up in my clitoris (although we know that feels great) as remember this is not a goal driven exercise (so we are not trying to have an orgasm as tempting as it may be).
You may want to stop at the exterior if this is enough for you... but for me, the tension found inside is the most fascinating. I pause to ask my yoni is she is ready to be entered and when the time is right I begin in internal journey either using my fingers or one of Rosie Rees rose quartz wands (I received one as an engagement gift - so good!). There are many techniques that can be employed to explore the inner terrain (and I will leave them for a deeper dive) but, in short, it is nice to try and feel around everywhere creating your own navigational system of 'mapping' as Bonnie calls it. Sometimes I uncover deep emotion and I need to cry or even laugh or sound to help move this old stuff from my being. This is a process of deep shifting and each practice is very different.
When I feel complete I take some time to cup my yoni feeling and recognising her power and sending her deep love and gratitude. I finish by showering myself with some reiki or moving this newly charged energy all around my body and allow myself time in savasana with one hand on my belly and the other on my heart.
And then I make tea... and do whatever else I need to feel honoured and adored.
I have to say this is the most beautiful practice I have tried to date and I am really feeling the power in the self honouring. Although I am yet to book a session with a Yoni Massage practitioner to receive a massage by a third party.. I'm not sure if I am quite ready for that yet but I am certainly on my way. For now I love the experience of reclaiming my own womanhood and becoming the pioneer of my own private land.
It really is very exciting!
If you try it please tell me how you feel... I am always keen to know more!