why your anxiety could be more than it seems

Back when I was 21 my life as I new it fell apart. 

I was a long was from home on holiday in Mallorca and all of a sudden my world started moving very fast, I felt the energy rushing up, up and UP through my being and this made me panic. 

I thought I was going crazy. 

My mind was racing, messages were coming through and I was so damn AFRAID! 

I had no idea what was going on… My boyfriend (hmmm… I use that term loosely) of the time announced to me that I was having a panic attack.  

A panic attack?  I had never heard of this illness…  

yet suddenly I was in it… deep in the depths of it. Wrestling with the FEAR & ANXIETY! 

He wanted to go out with friends so left me at a friend’s apartment for me to calm down.  

But I didn’t… 

I tried everything… reading, a bath, trying to breathe… and all I could think was WOAH… if this is what my life is like now I don’t want to do it.  

This may sound melodramatic but I even stood on a balcony (we were on the 5th floor) and looked down and thought… in this moment I could jump.  If this is what it will take to stop the voices in my head and the mania I WILL DO IT!

Thankfully I didn’t quite get there so fast… I somehow managed to call the boyfriend and he realised that I was in a bad way and came home to be with me. 

This was a harrowing time for me. 

After this trip the boyfriend dumped me, I flew back to the UK and my parents kindly flew me home as I was really unwell.  Then I was housebound for a few months, unable to cope with this heightened reality of mine.

 And so began my next 5 years of living in the land of intense energy that I did not know how to manage.

Notice I said intense energy rather than anxiety… 

You see… I had a revelation when I was in Hampi, India earlier this year with 30 Russian High priestesses doing dakini transmissions in the temples.  Our guides Maya Mandala and Mounir were turning the frequency up HIGH… people were vomiting, purging out of all ends, and passing out all over the place… and after having my own purge… I felt it… 

I felt that same feeling that I had when I was 21… the rush of energy… of kundalini that flooded through my system like a volcanic eruption… and I thought… HOLY SHIT… I’m about to go crazy again! 

In this moment I realised that what I had been experiencing for those 5 years was not so much panic attacks (although the panic response was real) but kundalini energy rising in my body.  Rising so fast that I didn’t know how to process it.   

You see, when we plug ourselves into the electrical socket of Source the energy needs to a clear channel to flow through and it also needs to ground.  

When I first started to experience this energy in my early 20’s I had no knowledge of how to ground it… it knocked me off my feet, totally threw my life into chaos and changed me forever.  I wanted to run from it… to hide from it.  I turned to drugs and alcohol… I took antidepressants to keep it at bay because I simply wasn’t quite ready for the medicine it would bring me.  

This was such a HUGE revelation for me … one of the biggest of my life and I really urge all of us who are afflicted by anxiety & mental health issues to ask yourself if there is a deeper source of your suffering.

Although I wasn’t ready experience the full surge of the energy when it came when I was 21 (and in the moment was ready to leave this body as it was simply TOO MUCH) I now feel and work with it’s power and it truly is my biggest asset.

 The trick for me is the grounding techniques and the work to open myself as a channel. 

In the healing of our Earth, this channel needs to be formed between the outer realms and the crystalline core of the earth and for many of us it is our role to act as conduits for this energy.  See my article onGrounding in Meditation for some tips

This is part of my process.

and I hope this helps you too.

 If you suffer from these symptoms and need support please reach out… I am here for you always.