It seems I have yet again transitioned into another extreme version of myself; and for this extreme makeover I owe it all to SJ’s Juicing Experience as it was a truly transformational two weeks (and it hasn’t really ever ended). I have lost about 6kgs and have completely changed my diet. My yoga practice is on fire, my muscles and long and supple, I have abundant energy and I am shining… and somewhere along this trip I started studying nutrition…WOW!
But I guess such extreme measures often have a bigger ripple effect… I am currently inhabiting the persona of ultra clean SJ; uber healthy, feeling amazing SJ!! Which is radical, positive, very admirable and definitely more sustainable that the opposite end of the spectrum (crazy, party, scattered all over the place SJ)… OR IS IT? I have been here many times before but probably not to this extent… And, after the cleansing process I have been through, physically, emotionally and spiritually, I know this is my FUTURE as feeling this good is kind of addictive. However, in the words of my lovely boyfriend I have become FANATICAL. Yes, you guessed it, I have become one of THOSE people; the reformed smoker who now cannot tolerate smoke; the sober alcoholic who has become a little high and mighty (I know this one well as I dated one for 2 years)… and my boyfriend is getting the brunt of it. I guess this is a good lesson for me and my ‘aspiring wellness guide self’ but I do find it hard not to make noise about the wonderful journey I have begun on my own path of healing with food, movement, breath and meditation as it has made me feel so FREAKING RADICAL (physically anyway… mentally… the jury is still out and I’m not so sure).
I have worn so many hats in my life and played so many different roles sometimes I’m not really sure who I actually am. I know this is part of my journey: to quiet the endless mental chatter and drop the masquerade, allowing the authenticity to reveal itself but, as I gallop along this path of extreme change (yes – as per usual I am doing everything at light speed and with great conviction) I can’t help but acknowledge that the party girl is feeling a little turfed to the curb… and SHE IS SAD. It’s tricky when your social circle defines you in one way (or perhaps it is YOU who has created that definition) and when you appear in a new form you feel like you have to apologise. I am forever being asked “How long are you detoxing for?” and all I can answer is that maybe this is more of a life choice/permanent change than a detox… I know everything will be cool and come back into balance but there is definitely a little part of myself that feels heart broken. I have no doubt that I can somehow interweave the two personas (or the ten… or however many I have within my being), the clean and the crazy, the serious and the silly, but sometimes it feels a little challenging… I’m sure many of you know what I mean.
Sometimes I feel like being back in my unconscious existence. Running from pain and suffering, medicating myself with many different pleasure substitutes and crutches – food, men, shopping, compulsive exercise, drugs and alcohol. Life was kind of simple then…and WOW, I had some awesome adventures (she says with a smile)! But now I have begun to wake up and truly feel it’s next to impossible to go back. ‘They’ (well the poet Thomas Gray) were right on the money when ‘they’ said, “ignorance is bliss” as sometimes the road less travelled can be a rocky one. But hey… I’m learning and I’m strong and deep down I know the work I need to do is to love myself and find the happiness and peace within, rebalancing and, most importantly — TO LET GO OF CONTROL and trust in the process.
Hmmm… Trust and control… these have always been two interesting key words for me. Eversince I started juicing and cleansing I have been exerting such strong control over my body that sometimes I feel like it’s counter productive for a control freak like me. I know all too well that control is like a drug for me (and I’m totally addicted) so in some ways I feel like I’m creating a monster. For example, as much as the juicing was challenging there was a part of me that loved the effects of extreme body and mind control and I guess yoga is not dissimilar – gaining control over your body, mind, breath and spirit. hmmm…and I really love yoga too!! Can you see a pattern forming?? But sometimes I feel like just throwing my hands in air and just saying fuck it!! I don’t even care about trying so hard anymore and I just want to be easy and carefree and stop worrying about how to create the best version of myself…!! And I guess here in lies the answer. I am ALREADY the best version of myself… I just need to LOVE ME! (and the crowd goes wild!!)
If any of this rings true for you I’m going to try the following steps over the next week as a little experiment of self-love and trust. Come with me if you like… I’d love the company xx
- Turn off the noise! Stop searching for all the info outside, get quiet and listen to yourself. I don’t know about you but I am constantly devouring every bit of info I come across on health, nutrition, yoga, spirituality etc and not listening to the wealth of knowledge that I have in my heart. We have all the infinite wisdom in the Universe inside ourselves but it is rare that we ever get quiet enough to hear ourselves speak… so this week I’m listening to ME!
- Get off the self-improvement train. We will all become the self-actualized beings that we were born to be but sometimes we just need to chill the fuck out. There is so much pressure to be the thinnest, the most spiritual, the greenest, the calmest, the most centered…aaarrgh!! I am borrowing this next line from Megan Joy Yoga as I love it – The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and often all of our efforts to be the best we can be hinder us from being who we truly are. Yeah – does that resonate??
- Slow down – this week I’m taking my foot off the gas (uuugh, even as I wrote this I cringed at the thought as it scares me – I’m such an over achiever and my fear of slowing down is immense!!)… but slow down I will and also try not get so obsessed and attached to what I am trying to create. Instead sending energy into just BE-ING.
- Self time. It doesn’t have to be time spent meditating in a cave in isolation but just take a few moments of your day to just be with yourself. And this does not mean time by yourself working on your projects or other goals. Just be-ing, breathing, listening and observing… find out what makes you tick. The moment you slow down and get quiet I think you might find that the inner voice is very audible and has a lot of really cool stuff to say. If you have been disconnected from yourself for some time you might have some getting to know each other to do. You really are one of a kind and everything you have ever needed to know exists within you.
- Mirror time – This is an exercise I was taught by my dearest teacher Dr Reza Samvat the most wonderful and magical being I know. Spend 5 – 10 minutes a day looking at your third eye point in the mirror (from approx. 1m distance between you and the mirror)…place all of your attention on your third eye centre and just observe what happens. I would love to hear how you go as this is a very interesting exercise!
So there… I have set our challenge, should you choose to accept it and join me on this path of reconnection, self-trust and ultimately self-love and acceptance!
Lots of LOVE… from the many different faces of SJ xx